JOKES ABOUT STRESS; JOKE STRESS RELIEF HUMOR AND STRESS

Use joke stress relief humor and stress jokes every day to deal with your stress. It's been said that laughter is the best medicine, so don't take life too seriously and make a habit of laughing out loud at least once a day.

Jokes About Stress and Humor

Humor and stress : It's time for professional help if you find yourself trying to deal with stress in these ways...

• Putting miniature marshmallows in your ears and humming loudly.
• Using your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
• When someone says "have a nice day", telling them you have other plans.
• Making a list of things to do that you have already done.
• Filling out your tax form using Roman numerals.
• Taping pictures of your boss on watermelons and launching them from high places.
• Leafing through "National Geographic" and drawing underwear on the natives.
• Tattooing "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
• Buying a subscription to a sleazy magazine and sending it to your boss's wife.
• Paying your electric bill in pennies.
• Driving to work in reverse.
• Reading the dictionary upside down and looking for secret messages.
• Starting a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
• Braiding the hairs in each nostril.
• Writing a short story using alphabet soup.
• Staring at people through the prongs of a fork and pretending they're in jail.
• Making up a language and asking people for directions in it.
• Billing your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
• Calling up everyone in your address book and when they answer, saying "I must have the wrong number" .
• Putting your toddler's clothes on backwards and sending him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

Family Stress Jokes

You know your family is stressed when...

• Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
• The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
• The cat is on Valium.
• People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
• You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
• The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
• No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
• "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
• You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
• Nescafe gives you industrial rates.

ReloraMax relieves stress symptoms and curbs stress-related eating habits.

Diet Joke Stress Relief Humor and Stress

This joke stress diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day (using humor and stress).

Instructions for stress relief humor diet...

BREAKFAST:

• 1/2 grapefruit
• 1 slice whole wheat toast
• 8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:

• 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
• 1 cup steamed spinach
• 1 cup herb tea
• 1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:

• The rest of Oreos in the package
• 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
• 1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:

• 2 loaves garlic bread
• 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
• 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
• 3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:

• Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

RULES FOR THIS JOKE STRESS DIET...

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
• When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
• If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
• Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
• Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)
• Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
• Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
• Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts." This is just joke stress relief humor and stress

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